Thanksgiving is not a cable news show
Considerations on Thanksgiving interactions following the 2024 election; Trump's second presidency in conversation and news writing; and purses for men.
A purse by any other name
Recently I needed a particular good, so I turned to the consumer marketplace. I needed a baglike thing, small yet able to accommodate a few essentials such as a book, notepad, pen, wallet and iPhone; something with pockets, that might be secured with zippers, and a strap allowing me to suspend said bag across my torso.
A purse. I am describing a purse.
In local stores I found large bags marketed for men (as they are seen by marketers), messenger bags, satchels, designed to accommodate laptop computers and power cords and other things. For years, I’ve been walking around carrying half my weight in burdens with such bags. I was looking to “downsize.”
Inspecting purses marketed for women, I found some well-designed ones and quite a few “almosts” for me, but not the right kind of strap or style that would not look incongruous with how I dress. I needed to ask the internet for what I wanted.
It didn’t take very long to spot a fitting canvas and zipper bag costing $15, which I ordered smoothly. What surprised me was how difficult it was to find the right thing through search terms. There was no lack of “man bags” out there in various price ranges, but it took a good many searches to find the smaller version I wanted.
I can’t help feeling this was partly my fault, as I struggled to explain to the internet genie what I wanted. Search terms like “cafe bag,” “small bag,” “sling bag,” “day pack,” and such showed me tote bags, large bags of the kind I already have, briefcases, fanny packs, binocular cases, and all sorts of other things before I found the sort of bag I wanted.
So what was it called? Ladies and gentlemen, the item I purchased was called by the seller a “men casual multifunctional canvas messenger handbag outdoor shoulder sling bag travel bag.”
This rambling and repetitive name is presumably seeking to capture online searches like mine. After a few tries, I had entered the right combination of terms to be matched with this result and presto, we found each other, a match made in SEO heaven.
For fun, I posted a photograph on my Facebook, Instagram, BlueSky and Mastodon channels asking people what they called it. The most popular suggestions (excluding the smartass replies) were satchel, followed by some variation on “man bag,” “man purse” and “murse.” A few others fell back on messenger bag, courier bag, and names similar.
None of these are wrong. “Purse” would do, too. Originally, it simply denoted a small bag made from hide (bursa, Latin derived from Greek, perhaps a mix of that with pusa in Old English), and seems to have been applied to a woman’s accessory in the 19th century – so, fairly recently. And yet there are lots of “men’s leather-effect handbags” and “small shoulder bags” and “mini messenger satchel bags,” etc., that sure as hell look like purses, including some fine ones for those with more spending money.
Anyway, my $15 canvas purse is neat.
Thanksgiving after the 2024 election: Recommendations
Thanksgiving dinner is not a cable news show. Neither host nor guest are obligated to imitate one. Keep personal relationships at the center.
Don’t be afraid to pass on anything served to you, whether it’s the green bean casserole or an invitation to weigh in on matters you are not prepared to discuss.
You are not required to repeat the patterns of previous interactions. You are permitted to smile and say this is Thanksgiving, not Groundhog Day. Change the subject, get a refreshment, or go wash your hands. Interrupt the cycle.
Uphold dignity for yourself and others. Respect the feelings and inner life of other people, who may not be showing you all that is going on for them.
Topics of conversation must be consensual, and consent can be withdrawn at any time. Let it shift with grace.
The other person at the table may feel that the republic is on a conveyor belt headed for an industrial-size grinder; or they may feel that the republic has just been saved from that fate; or they may not think much about that at all and are sick of hearing about it. Consider that this is not an occasion to correct their thinking.
In any of these cases, discussion about the election, the transfer of power and where it may lead, will not effectively be litigated in the midst of overexcited children, begging dogs, football on television, heavy intake of protein and starch, or alcohol.
If confronted with an alternative universe of fact, skip it for today. Do not build a bridge to a black hole. Smile, talk about the kids or the game or a funny thing that happened recently.
If you mutually consent to enter controversial territory, share yourself honestly and without condescension. Slow, calming breaths are indispensable here. Perhaps begin with specific details of how you expect your household to be affected by specific promises and proposals emerging from the Trump transition.
Maybe stick with that; or, from there, radiate outwards to how you expect people you love and care about to be affected by specific actions.
Share expertise, concrete examples, and your dearest principles. Never mind stuff you saw on the internet. Stick with what you know or what you’re feeling.
Be open to questions and treat them as opportunities to clarify your own thoughts and feelings, rather than a chance to interrogate the other person’s wrong ideas.
Forget about being right. Today, be a person.
Letter to a New York City friend (excerpt)
23 November 2024. Deming, New Mexico
Dear J,
Indeed, we know not yet how hard the coming days shall be. Around this gloomy town are small farmers and ranchers, many celebrating the election’s outcome, who will suffer the loss of immigrant labor and the effects of tariffs on trade & for supplies they need. The Affordable Care Act will presumably be repealed along with any New Deal-type federal supports they select. New Mexico lawmakers are discussing ways to insulate our residents from some of the harm and to withhold cooperation with mass deportation efforts. Yet it will hit us hard in any case, from the household budget to community fabric to sheer moral revulsion.
. . .
I have no interest in antagonizing individual people, but no one in our country is entitled to a presumption of naïveté or innocence in selecting an aspiring autocrat with a racist agenda and explicit intent to wield power for personal vengeance and to establish antidemocratic control. However catastrophic this turns out to be, or not, that is what this is about, and the conversation begins there.
As for news writing, when it comes to a leader in Trump’s mold, we must acknowledge the difficulty of describing him and his actions truthfully without sounding like we may be editorializing, for the facts are so extreme. Our responsibility is telling the truth with care, humility, and courage.
In that spirit, I wish us all well.
Good one again, Algernon.
Just heard an interesting podcast on the topic of "disagreeing with family members", I believe it was a short wave, the science podcast on NPR, a married couple on opposing ends of the political spectrum, married for 47 years.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Gabriele